Vegetables in a bottle, fruit in a gum,
Liquid cheese in dispensers, janitor in a drum,
Better health in a packet, spring in a soap,
The world in a box and a TV remote,
Candles for romance, canned music for mood,
Sex in a pill and tan in a tube,
For winter, a heater; for summer, a fan,
Instant coffee and cameras, sea-monkeys and tang...

Is just some of the stuff which I think is grand,
Alternative crab meat makes me one happy man,
Santa Ana's at Christmas won't ruin my plans,
I got a video fireplace and snow in a can.

Abracadabra and alakazam,
Flip a switch and it's snowing at Disneyland,
They got apples in shampoo, like pearls in a clam,
They got pigs in a blanket and snow in a can.

Sounds of nature on tape, such as rivers and rain,
Paint by numbers and Duraflame,
Prefab houses and astro yards,
Collagen lips and credit cards,
Complimentary peanuts, friendly skies, comfort foods,
Happy Meals, smart marts and sensible shoes,
Honest work, hope chests, the lay of the land,
Fantasy baseball and Denny's grand slam...

Is just some of the stuff which I think is grand,
Alternative crab meat makes me one happy man,
Santa Ana's at Christmas won't ruin my plans,
I got a video fireplace and snow in a can.

Abracadabra, alakazam,
Flip a switch and it's snowing at Disneyland,
They got apples in shampoo, like pearls in a clam,
They got pigs in a blanket and snow in a can.

Snow in a can, snow in a can,
Apples in shampoo and snow in a can,
Just some of the stuff which I think is grand,
Pigs in a blanket and snow in a can.