When I'm by myself, I'm quite the magician,
With the turn of the phrase and the juxtaposition,
But give me a crowd and watch me go fishing,
Turn up the heat and I'm out of the kitchen.

Bob got in a good one at my expense,
He had 'em all laughing at my weak-kneed defence,
On the bus going home, I could only resort to imagine a comeback, some snappy retort.

But my chance is over; it's a play in my head where I really nail him with what I should have said.

Friday night, at the party, Sue was quite the wit,
She got in some zingers 'bout my politics,
Like a frog on a hot rock, my brain squirmed around for the perfect rejoinder, which I never found.

Now my chance is over; it's a play in my head where I turn the tables with what I should have said.

With what I should have said, I would know in advance,
I'm the master of banter, the king of romance,
The guy in the centre, who's leading the dance,
Not the kid in the corner, in the big pair of pants.

And now I'm in bed with what I should have said.

Today, at the bus stop, a man read the news,
Shook his head and he asked me my religious views,
But the answers he needed, somehow, wouldn't come from the back of my brain to the tip of my tongue.

Well now that that's over; it's a play in my head 'bout how I convinced him with what I should have said,
Most nights, I'm in bed with what I should have said.