The mighty grunion are rising up and storming the beach, and on the toll road the trolls are slipping out of their leash.

Hey, John Wayne, it's good to see you when I get off the plane,
Your bronze skin's turned pale,
Then he says, "Pilgrim, tell me how did I fail'"

On Fascist Island the reservoir is taking a leak,
The money boys and boy toys are sexually reaching their peak.

Hey, John Wayne, we can't get credit and we're feeling your pain,
Marion says, "My hands are bleeding and I wish I were dead."

Coming down with deep neurosis, carcinoma and ketosis,
It's the Big C for "My Sharona",
We got that O.C., melanoma.

Hey, John Wayne, we never meant to take your name in vain,
He says, "It's too late, I guess I'll always be your patron saint."

The mighty grunion are rising up and storming the beach, and on the toll road the trolls are slipping out of their leash.

Hey, John Wayne, it's good to see you when I get off the plane,
Your bronze skin's turned pale,
Then he says, "Pilgrim, tell me how did I fail'"
How did I fail'

So please release us, put back the pieces, heal our diseases, extend our leases,
The well has run dry, we need dead eye,
We need a tough guy to save us from the mess that we're in.

Hey, John,
Hey, John Wayne,
Hey, Duke.

A majestic mighty warrior is rising up and storming the beach.