It's the magic word they claim came down from ancient Babylon, when the tower of Babel crumbled and the language was all wrong,
The natives were confused and yet they understood one word,
Now it's on display in a mall museum, down in south Pittsburgh.

Kalhoun,
Everybody cry Kalhoun.

Some preacher says it's the first word that Adam said to Eve,
Religious tracts with bulletins note: "Speak it and believe,"
Some say it's just deception, empty and absurd,
While the elect say the last times were triggered by the word...

Kalhoun,
Yeah, everybody sing Kalhoun,
Don't know exactly what it means,
It's just a sacred kinda thing - Kalhoun.

Now when carpenters hit their thumbs they yell out loud the Kalhoun curse,
The faithful flock of Pa. to bow to Lord Kalhoun the first,
He says, "Messiah's in the dessert", but a few of us won't go,
We're going down to the Kalhoun church to pray it isn't so.

Kalhoun,
Everybody cry Kalhoun,
Don't know exactly what it means,
It's just a sacred kinda thing - Kalhoun.

And even the president says it's a miracle,
"Kalhoun," the nation cries, "you're a miracle,"
On baseball cards, beer, and cars and cereal,
Kalhoun is the word, now everybody's heard of Kalhoun.

Some politician has an idea to take a million men, go downtown Los Angeles and build the tower again,
"Why nothing can stop us this time, we'll mount the word on high,"
Spell K-A-L-H-O-U-N across a steel grey sky.

Kalhoun,
Now everybody sing Kalhoun,
Don't know exactly what it means,
It's just a sacred kind of thing - Kalhoun.

Kalhoun,
Kalhoun,
Kalhoun,
Kalhoun,
Kalhoun,
Kalhoun,
Kalhoun,
Kalhoun,
Kalhoun,
Kalhoun,
Kalhoun,
Kalhoun,
Kalhoun,
Kalhoun,
Kalhoun,
Kalhoun.